One More Week with the Mask

2 September 2022

2.3 MINS

The mask mandate aboard domestic flights is in place for just one more week. Why not scrap it immediately?

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has announced that passengers on domestic flights will not be required to wear masks as of next Friday.


Wait. What?

Why next Friday? Why not ditch the mask mandate immediately?

Well, see, this is where the science comes in.

The PM was able to get Covid to agree not to infect people on aeroplanes from September 9, but negotiations with the virus broke down when it came to this week.

If only Shaquille O’Neal had been on hand to assist. Hadn’t he told the PM on Saturday, “Whatever you need from me, just let me know”?

Well Shaq, we need the mask mandate removed. Not in a week. Now. If you’re not too exhausted from having closed the gap for Indigenous people at the weekend, that is.

I jest of course.

Where is the Logic?

But seriously, Covid can infect people on jets this week, but it won’t be able to infect them on jets next week?

What are the odds?

That’s a rhetorical question, although Shaq could actually help with that one (PointsBet offers great odds. And remember, always gamble responsibly.)

Anyway, the Covid theatre will continue for another week.

People will cram together like sardines as they shuffle through airport security.

People will sit on top of each other at crowded departure gates.

And then people will get on the plane where they will be made to wear a mask, because Covid has been waiting for them on the aircraft.

Airline staff will tell travellers they must keep the mask on for the duration of the flight, removing it only to sip the horrible coffee.

For one more week.

Why one more week?

The science.

What’s the science?

No-one knows. It’s just the science, okay. And the science is settled. Plus, you don’t want to be on the wrong side of mask history, do you?

Follow the Rules

I can’t believe some of you are still questioning this. I bet you’re a right-winger and a conspiracy theorist. But I repeat myself.

Look, love is love, alright. So just go with it. Wear the damn face diaper for one more week.

What exactly will change between now and next Friday, you ask?

Nothing. Nothing will be any different a week from now. You know it, and the politicians know it.

But you’re going to wear the mask for another week anyway. You won’t know why, but you’ll sure as hell know who’s in charge.

And at this stage of the game, I think that’s the entire point.

Covid Karens immediately took to social media to argue that ditching the mask mandate, whether in a week or in 45 years, was irresponsible.

Masks are effective at stopping the spread, they screeched. Which is why, as well as wearing their masks, they have had safe and effective vaccinations. And boosters. And Paxlovid. And boosted boosters.

Covid bedwetters will be relieved to know the government is dropping the mask mandate, not imposing a no mask mandate.

People are still free to wear masks if they want. People can wear seven masks if that’s their thing. And they can cover the holes in their face for the rest of their lives if it makes them feel safer.

As for the rest of us, it’s another seven days. Just so you never forget who’s the boss of you.


Originally published at The James Macpherson Report.

Subscribe to his Substack here for daily witty commentary.
Photo by Anna Shvets.



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